Shema Says

Turning Around

Finally, back.

My friend is a part of a Women’s Writing Workshop. Every February they host prompts for a workshop where the goal is to write every day for a month. Whether you write a few sentences, a poem, a blog post, a short story, a journal entry - just write. 
It’s been too long since I have typed my thoughts. These days I fall back to pen and notebook, if I find the time to write at all.

We are beginning this week by talking about the things we want most. What is it you long for? People, places, things, feelings, states of mind–things you lost or things you have yet to find?

What I want the most is space and time. Space to fill my days with the things I truly want to do, thoughts I truly want to think. Time to figure out what the answers to both of those questions are. I’m trying to re-train myself to focus on these simple and yet not at-all-simple pursuits. If I’m honest with myself, what I really long for, have been longing for, are answers. Endings. Arrivals.

I long, too much I think, for the destination. I spend so much time thinking about where I need to get and what it will be like when I get there, that I forget to soak in the present. At this point in my life, along with most of the people I know, we’re trying to figure out what’s next. Those “what am I supposed to be doing with my life” thoughts persist even when those wiser insist they still don’t know, that you don’t have to know. But we still want to. We’re stubborn and ambitious and scared and impatient. A good friend reminded me the other day of something I told her when she was unhappy in her job. I told her to take this as a good thing, as a sign that she will keep pushing. I told her that successful people are never satisfied. Now, writing those words, I hope nothing more than that I was terribly wrong. 

I realized the other day how little mental energy I spend in the past - and not much more in the present. I’m a planner. I make lists in my head, fixate on what might happen, what should happen, what I fear happening. I live in a world of “what ifs”, of memories of the future. They say that depression is dwelling on thoughts of the past, and anxiety is fixation on the future. As someone definitely not immune to anxious thoughts, that hot feeling that pushes through my blood as I discover a worry, those circular turned maddening thoughts, I know this to be true. 

Conversely, I find the reverse to be true. When I to actually try to not only remember but to focus on the past, I am calmed. The thoughts that are easiest to call upon turn out to be the good things. Silly memories from growing up, soul-strengthening conversations with girlfriends, times when I accomplished feats I feared i would fail. 

So this is where I’m starting. Reversing the direction of those long spaces in your mind where you can choose to worry, remember or to simply accept. The goal is to come almost full circle, and to meet myself in the present. This is the hardest, and I think this is true for most people. Meditation is the purest form, but there is also the ongoing state of being where you let yourself slow down a bit in between (or during) activities, and appreciate. I’m doing this more and more these days. I finished a great book the other day, a memoir about a woman struggling and dealing with all of life’s challenges that just seem to feel… so universally female. I’m now finding myself repeating a mantra inside my head from those pages:

Breathe. Relax. Feel. Watch. Accept. 

& Repeat. 

Senior Year of Life + The Top Ten Things I Learned to Get Here

photo credit: werwin15

Many years ago I read a book about a group of friends who, upon graduating college, referred to that next year as their “Freshman Year of Life”….and so forth. I told this to a girlfriend of mine when we were in the trenches of “holy crap what we are going to do with our lives after we graduate?!” and it become a sort of therapeutic mantra for us. We don’t need to know what we are going to do just yet, especially in our Freshman Year of Life. Somehow it just stuck.

With all of the hub-bub around college graduations these last few weeks, it hit me. My friend and I, we are finishing up our Junior Year of Life - which means next year we are going to be Seniors. If you read this post, you know I love to write & reflect. So here are a few reflections on some of the things I am starting to learn along the way.
 

1. It’s okay to keep asking yourself “what do I want to be when I grow up?”

2. You won’t know how important the ground work you do for networking is until much later. When I graduated from college the idea of networking events felt very foreign, but I am ridiculously thankful & grateful for all of the professionals I have met in the last three years.

3. Best way to start networking? Social media. Some of my very best friends are people I met on twitter. Don’t be shy; engage with people who have similar interests.

4. If it doesn’t scare you at least a little bit, it may not be worth it. Panic attacks are temporary. Go towards the fear.

5. The people you love won’t all be around as long as you think or want. Love them up while you can. When they go, there will be good days - and there will be days when the pain level is at 45.

6. You can’t handle it until you have to, then you will and you do.

7. It can be very surprising which experiences you end up being thankful for in the long run, including that heartbreak.

8. If you get rid of your TV, you will soon forget how you found the time to ever watch it.

9. NPR is way cooler than you thought it was when your parents listened to it.

10. Sometimes the biggest decisions are the easiest and quickest. Move in with the boy. Figure out the logistics later.

Mom’s Words of Wisdom

The best (or at least my favorite) advice my mother ever gave me:

Life is stressful, and we are stressed….

{image from the beyond delightful blog, frenchbydesign, combining my love of all things french + inspirational quotes + yummy looking food + interior design}

but ultimately stressed is just desserts spelled backwards!

There are very few things that a couple deep breaths and a little bit of perspective won’t help.

Written rituals

This weekend I had the joy of meeting some fellow women of the social media world for lunch. To be truthful, they are all women I admire. As we chatted - about work, social media, tech conferences, pregnancy and men - I asked the group a simple question about my blog.

I just don’t think I am sure exactly what I am supposed to be writing about. I don’t have a mission statement or particular purpose for my blog. Is that OK?

Yes. They all said yes.

And exhale. I am so relieved. Lately I have been having a hard time writing blog posts because I am so busy over-analyzing what my blog “should” or “shouldn’t” be about. Now I have a bit of reassurance that it is okay, and perhaps even better this way. Better to leave my blog open to whatever thoughts flow out of my fingertips on whatever day I feel as though I need to write.

I love to write, always have. When I was little I would stories - either starring a young heroine, or maybe a family of mice, depending on my mood. I always had journals and spiral bound notebooks, writing about whatever was going on in my life. I seem to have a need to write down things that are happening to me, it is my way of processing the world. My ritual is that every time I open up my journal (I hate the word diary), I read over at least the last couple of recent entries. It is a great way to learn about yourself. To see what makes you nod your head, and what makes you shake it and smile at yourself. For a long time it tended to be difficult for me to read over old entries. Writing your thoughts and feelings down is inherently emotional, and I used to have a hard time not judging myself. I would read over my past emotions and feel embarrassed. I would be irritated with myself for overreacting, and I would literally tear out the pages so that they no longer existed.

I stopped that habit years ago. Now, when I read the entries, I focus on nurturing compassion for those feelings. That’s the hard stuff, as I know it is for many. But it’s also the good stuff. My regret now is that I didn’t keep every single notebook, those collections of my mental space. I’m intrigued by the character development of it all. In fact, I’ve always been a fan of the long & winding story. Growing up, I only read books that were part of a series. Wouldn’t usually start a book if it wasn’t at least a part of a trilogy. I remember reading the eighth and final book in the ‘Ann of Green Gables’ series. I must have been about 11 years old, and I cried when I finished because I loved the characters so much and knew I would miss them.

The goal now is really just to keep writing. To write in my paper journals, where I scribble so fast I can barely read my own handwriting. To write on this blog, about whatever I feel makes sense. To reread and to learn, hopefully watching my writing and my character grow. And most importantly, to never delete.

Girls Rule, and I Found the Ads to Prove It

I think it’s fair to say that I am passionate about all things to do with supporting women (I get to spend my days working with some extremely driven and intelligent women here). Another thing I love? Clever marketing campaigns. I recently came across an article on Fast Company recently that perfectly combined the two, and it is just too good not to share.

The article is called “The Birth of an Idea: Ads to Rebrand Girls”, and is a series of mock ad campaigns designed to promote the birth of baby girls as “the No.1  choice for consumers from China to the U.S.” I admit that this premiss surprised me. I have traveled to places around the world, like China and India, where it is widely known that boys are the preferred choice. But here in the U.S.? To be honest, it never really occurred to me that people would still, if ever, have a documented preference for the sex of their offspring. However, according to the hilarious website Don’t Diss Daughters, dads-to-be actually prefer sons over daughters 2 to 1.

Take a few minutes to scroll through the actual ads designed for this “campaign”. They range from comical taglines like “Boys are 76% more likely to set something you love on fire”, to the more serious “Born to Rule”. Do you think ads like this have the power to actually change minds? It may be worth a try. With countries in Asia increasingly tilting their gender ratio towards males - there are some serious consequences to turning the other cheek. Governments in India and China are currently implementing programs that create incentives for couples that do have daughters, but these efforts have not been very successful.

So why not try an ad campaign? It definitely seems like a cheaper long term solution. And seriously, check out the angle Don’t Diss Daughters is taking. The home page is full of pictures of “d-bag” would-be dads, and how daughters definitely wouldn’t pick them either. Potentially more appealing to women, I would assume, but undeniably awesome. (Just see below.)

The Memory Project

I wish I could say that I came up with this idea all on my own because it is freaking fantastic. But I didn’t. I originally came across this idea through pinterest aka the land of all ridiculously crafty ideas. A woman named Holly published this blog post about a birthday surprise she put together for her dad’s 60th birthday. She knows her father was sentimental, and that nothing means more to him than people and experiences. She started to write to the people in his life, throughout his life, asking them to send her a memory of her father to put together as a gift to him. The idea was to give him 60 memories for his 60th birthday.

I decided to do the same.

I showed up at my mother’s house this past Sunday, on her 62nd birthday, with a bag full of letters tied together with a purple bow. I told her to sit down, and handed her a short note. It explained what I just told you, about a daughter who did something special for her father. And it closed like this:

“So here you go - 62 memories from a whole lot of people who love you. You carry friendships with you wherever you go, and are constantly forging new and strong connections with people you meet. You mean so much to so many people. I think you truly have a gift for connecting others. I like to think I got a little bit of that from you.”

She read this and looked up at me with tears in her eyes (we are criers, both of us), and just simply said “you didn’t”. I told her yes, I did. And then I pulled the stack of envelopes out of my purse. The look on her face was beyond priceless.

My mom, starting to open her letters.

Sixty-two letters, from Ballard to Paris.

The best part of this whole thing for me, was getting to read so many of the memories as they streamed in. The common themes were that my mother loves everything that has to do with France, living as a free spirit, and being a shoulder to cry on.

It took over an hour to open them all, even with my mother being as fast of a reader as she is. But she wanted to read them all. Thank you to everyone who helped me put this together, you mean the world to her.

The aftermath

Facebook Changes, Insight from Mitt Romney & Humble Billionaires

This morning I watched the Facebook live streaming media conference, announcing the official launch of timeline for pages. I personally thought the whole presentation felt a little motivational-speaker/wannabe-rockstar. *sidenote: was I the only one envisioning a drinking game for every time they used the phrase “mission control”?

But, I think the changes have some serious significance for a couple of reasons. Mainly - that corporations may just be people after all, and that it must be awesome to be Mark Zuckerberg (duh).

My favorite aspect of timeline for pages, is that it is a giant equalizer. Everyone - both business and personal user alike, will now have the same format for their profile. I think this is a great move. The more we move toward making brand pages feel similar to friend pages, the more I think they will be naturally integrated into the types of discussions most people actually want to be having on Facebook. There was that awkward transition before, when some businesses were still (gasp) using personal profiles for businesses, and asking their fans to “friend” them. I think everyone learned this lesson pretty quickly - that being a friend of a brand feels much more intrusive than just committing to say you are a “fan”. (Bank of America and I are not friends, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to keep tabs on what type of sneaky things they are probably doing to my bank account right now.)

Now brand pages really will, from what I can tell, look the same as personal profile pages. The best part of this is that you can now privately send and receive messages. This will be huge for marketers. Does it mean people will stop posting rude/detrimental comments on your brand’s public wall? Heck no. People are not that sensitive. But it will give you a new way to respond to individuals and send updates. I think this adds a humanizing factor - if a brand is sending you a personal message in response to a comment you made, it is pretty clear that they are not just auto-scheduling every single post. So yes, as Mitt Romney (now rather infamously) informed us: “Corporations are people, my friend”.

At one point during the conference, they showed a clip of Zuck talking about how totally freaking cool and awesome and innovative all of these new (mostly FB money-making) features are. Of course he is just standing there all freakishly rich in his plain T-shirt, and I just started thinking about what it has got to be like to be this dude.

When I first joined Facebook, it was new. New as in you literally still had to have a college email address to even sign up. I distinctly remember my mother telling me that I would have to get rid of my account by the time I graduated so that I could get a real job. Flash forward a few years and I am actively using Facebook for my job everyday. (This is admittedly coming from the same woman who never thought she would have an answering machine or a cell phone…love you mom!!). Anyway, there isn’t a major company these days that doesn’t have a Facebook account. You can’t really afford not to. We all sort of just accept this these days, but think of what it has to feel like for Mark Zuckerberg. That movie he can’t wait to see? Find them on Facebook for trailers and sneak peeks. That restaurant that he loves? Find them on Facebook for specials and deals. That airline he now can use to go where ever he wants? Or the hotel? Clothing line? ALL ON FACEBOOK. Every single brand that guy (not to mention practically all of us, at least in this country) has come into contact with in his entire life - now uses the platform he created. That has got to be the most unreal feeling.

…I’m sure he is super humble though. Aren’t all 20-something billionaires? (I know, I know, his new salary is $1 blah blah…..)

Love Bill Gates, Hate Cancer

I can admit it - I’m a huge sucker for Bill Gates. Don’t get me wrong, Steve Jobs = amazing mind, incredibly moving speaker. But the reason I am more inspired by Bill is not really due to technological innovation (though maybe that is deep down why I still love my PC and refuse to go Mac), it’s about his commitment to the world.

I just sat down and read his Annual Letter. I highly recommend reading the whole thing, but I wanted to share the parts that effected me the most.

He focuses the first part of his letter on poverty and the desperate need for further agricultural advances. One billion people in this world (about 15%) live in extreme poverty. This is not living-off-food-stamp poverty, but barely-feed-their-family-off-the land-they-farm poverty.

In the U.S., about 2% of the population currently are farmers. In Uganda, it is 75%. Seventy-five. Imagine if only one quarter of our population was left to facilitate, systemize, and innovate in EVERY OTHER INDUSTRY. Education, health care, banking, construction, government, retail - everything. That’s a lot of work to cover with not a whole lot of people-power, this is an obvious and enormous problem.

He next moves on to the topic of global health. Did you know that India celebrated being one year completely polio-free just this month? It still has two years to go before it can be officially declared eradicated, but that is a monumental anniversary. The first recorded description of polio was in 1789. It is pretty amazing to think of how much progress has been made to rid the world of this disease, including in some of the poorest corners of the globe.

Now, a comparison. Any guesses on when cancer first popped up? According to the American Cancer Society, there are descriptions of cancer dating back to Egypt in, oh you know, around 3000 BC. This makes my heart hurt. I lost a dear friend to cancer a couple days ago, and the pain is raw. One of the things I have been clinging to in my thoughts is a passionate hope that I will live to see a cure for this frightening disease.

While the Gates letter does not touch on this subject, there was something about the unrelenting drive to make the world a better place that touched me today.

I really do believe that people around the world are all pretty much the same. We want the same things, we cry over the same things. I admire Bill Gates because his foundation represents a whole lot of people and resources dedicated to improving the world. I’m still working on figuring out how I can make a meaningful impact, but I remain hopeful.

Excuses aka what the heck i’ve been doing this past month

Is it too soon to pretend I just took a hiatus from my blog? Yes? Okay, I thought so too. One of my (predictable) resolutions for the new year is to actually write on this dang thing once a week. Hoorah for January 1st creating a compulsion for self development. I also have a list of on or around 26 other goals for the year. But I will spare you and myself all of those.

Instead, here is a list of all the other things I have been doing in the last month to at least attempt to prove to myself I have super good excuses for not blogging AT ALL for a month.

• Witnessed two of my closest friends get married. It was the most beautiful wedding ceremony I am sure I will ever see, and also one of the most emotional weekends of my life - you will believe me if you check out their website: BethanyRyanSmith
• Celebrated Christmas not once, not twice - but FOUR times. Boom. That’s what happens when your parents are divorced plus you live with your boyfriend plus he happens to have a family as well.
• Found out my dad is getting married in June! The solstice to be exact. Most awesome part? He is getting a party bus for the day after the ceremony to take a big group wine tasting in Woodinville. Kudos to Papa Shema.
• Went skinny dipping in the ocean! Risque I know. But when it’s the WA coast it is mostly just dark and cold.
• Read two books - Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin & *My Horizontal Life by (my fave) Chelsea Handler. *beach read, forgive me.
• Decided I like Rock and Roll. (Rock n’ Roll?) I have been going through a music identity crisis lately which has mostly consisted of reprogramming all of my radio presets (goodbye KUBE & KISS, hello NPR and The Mountain). The tall one has been helping me out in this department and my new thing is Black Stone Cherry.
• Joined a gym. Hallelujah. The idea is that now instead of waking up in my glorious bed each morning and saying helllll no I will not go outside and run in the rain - I will have at least one less excuse.
• Celebrated two best friends birthdays! Shout out to the boo and the bear.
• Developed an addiction to sweet potatoes. Seriously. They are my favorite food now. Just chop it up into little chunks, drizzle on some EVOO, put in the oven at 375(ish) for 35(ish) mins and ta-da! Super good homemade sweet potato fries that also give me another excuse to eat ketchup.
• Bookmarked 12 different design blogs that I use as my new go-to(s) for ideas to decorate my house. Still a major work in progress, but it feels like this giant semi-blank playground of a canvas to do whatever I want with. I love it.
• Reconnected with some high school friends who were in town. Old friends + Taco Tuesday + Margaritas. Enough said.
• Went rock climbing. Not outside, in the rock gym. I took the class to get belay certified right before Thanksgiving and haven’t made the time to go again until recently. I almost had a mini-panic attack that I was going to screw up and drop/kill the tall one. But he is fine. Planning to go back tmrw to get my official belay certification.
• Went to a rave. First and maybe last time. Was not my idea….but also not as intimidating as I thought it was going to be. 18+ age restriction will do that to a party. Still not my scene though, I just can’t really get into electronic music. (see #6)
• First time going real-live antiquing. It rocked. Aurora Antique Pavilion is like heaven to me. I could spend hours there just digging through the treasures. I purchased an amazing (huge!) mirror with a kick-ass coppery mold frame. It makes me happy.
• Hosted a game night at my house. I am all about board games. I love getting to be creative and competitive at the same time. And drink wine. We played Scategories and Who What Where and I cannot decide which I like better except that they are now both my favorites. Please invite me over to play games with you. I’ll bring wine.